Holding Time

"Initiating a new camera" by Aliza Razell

Originally written August 2021

Holding my son is the physical embodiment of love. An inchoate agape. A grounding love as opposed to the all-consuming, erotic love that led to his conception. 

Holding him at times I feel a brief melancholy as I realise he won’t be a baby forever, that he will gradually carve himself away from me. I feel this despite every new phase, every new sound, noise, facial expression being my new favourite - superseding the last.

I feel as though I am physically holding time - and that despite his reassuring weight, his smell, the rhythm of his breathing - that time is slipping through my fingers.